Saturday, September 09, 2006


Noah Loranzo Mustain
seven weeks old, of Grants Pass, died Monday, September 4, 2006 at Three Rivers Community Hospital.
A furneral service was at 2:00pm, Friday September 8, 2006 at Hull & Hull Chapel. Interment followed at Granite Hill Cemetery.

Noah was born July 7, 2006 in Grants Pass. He enjoyed trees, leaves, nature, and the playfulness of his brothers. With the help of his father's tickles, he had only recently mastered the giggles.

I have tried over the last few days to post again, but it has been impossible. I had a little draft and finally published it. It says so little of what has happened. I think I just rambled but I don't care. It is not the words that are important.

Yesterday we buried our Noah. Today my eyes leak on a constantly. I cannot seem to stop it. I need to not be doing this as I have two of my grandsons and they do not need more of this. My Carter is with his brown grandma today. He needed some time away from everything. This is hard on a child just under three. Mom and almost stepdad brought my other grandson down for the weekend and so he could say his goodbyes. Today mom and dad are taking the first hours of just being alone with each other. They really need this. So I have both Trenton and Payton for the day.

We have a very long road ahead of us. Payton is suffering more then the other children. The others have been able to cry and say their goodbyes. It has been much harder with Payton. Payton says he does not want to be a whiner and so will not let the tears go. Yesterday he told us that it is his fault that Noah died. He says he should have known that Noah was sick so he could save him. Oh how tragic that this little six year old has been suffering this in his mind and heart all week long, not able to or wanting to express it to any of the rest of the family. It makes me so sad that I was not there during this time of heartache for him. Today I refuse to let mention of anything to bother him. He needs time to heal.

I was wrong, oh so wrong. I did not have my last chance to hold Noah. We were allowed to hold him all day yesterday. His mother even held him all the way through the ceromonies, right up to the time to go. She was able to dress him along with her mother, and I brought the boys early to say their goodbyes. That way mom, and both grandma's were able to be there for the support they needed. At first when the two little ones came in they could not come near Noah. They both stood back and watched me hold their little brother. It was so sad to see the looks on their faces. Carter finally came to see him but not Payton. It took quite a while before Payton would come near.

Crystal found a site for his final resting place that is so peaceful. It is an older place that is little kept except for what familys want to do. Most of the place is left to itself but there is something about this place. The trees are left to be natural, it is quite wooded. He is at the very top of the hill under a tree. Oh how he loved to watch the tree outside of the front of the house. He would watch through the window, and from the porch. I would often take him there to stare at the trees. Now he lives with his own. The view of the mountains surrounding his little hill is breath taking.

We took the boys to the park to give them some relaxing place. We felt that the three boys would need some where that was not going to stress them more then what this whole week had. Payton finally decided to leave with his cousin and family, Andrew with a friend who was there to help him through this time, and Crystal with family to help her. I kept the littlest one and the biggest one. My other girl had her hubby bring their two for playpals. Austin took Carter under wing and oh did they play. Trenton found a new friend in Ian. Ian has a wireless gameboy, as did Trenton. Something was smiling on us for Ian's game was the same as the one Trenton was playing. Entertainment began as they explored each others games.

We stayed very late at the park. Carter was wore out and ready for bath and bed. Trenton stayed the night with dad and Crystal and was off to do the same. Grandma was worn out with all the grands in one day. My Elizabeth has now decided that grandma isn't such a bad person and worthy of her hugs and kisses.




My boys. Combine the three of these and you can see what Noah would have grown up to be as he looked at times like each.


Blogger Looming Looney said...

I sit here with tears in my eyes as i read your post. I am so sorry for the pain you and your family are experincig, especially little Payton. To be that young and have such unwarranted feelings of guilt for something he couldn't prevented. The poor baby. Give him all the hugs and kisses you can. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

4:57 AM  
Blogger Gail said...

I can only add my prayers to the rest that you have received - prayers that you and your family and especially the little kids will find the peace that only God can give.

5:07 AM  
Anonymous Alice said...

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your grandbaby, baby Noah, I know that your heart is breaking along with the rest of your beautiful family. Your family is so fortunate to have someone as caring and loving as you are. Please take care.

6:15 PM  
Blogger Sorka said...

I can only imagine the pain you all are in. I know when I do imagine it that pain is unbearable. Just know that we are all out here praying for you, and holding you all in our hearts and thoughts. Hold the love you have for Noah first and foremost in your heart.

6:19 AM  
Blogger Connie said...

How very sorry I am to hear of your great loss. Only the Lord knows why this sweet and precious little one was taken back to heaven. I will keep you, your family in my prayers.

6:18 PM  

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